I will go where You shine

First of all, disclaimer: I am not quitting YoungLife haha. The beginning of this blog post kind of makes it sound like I am, but I assure you I'm not going anywhere!

My YoungLife journey hasn't been as long as some, but it's been a crazy ride just in this past year
 -- more than most would probably say for their experience.
I haven't even technically been a leader for even a year, yet I'm already going through a transition. After being placed at Wimberley High School, I was set. I loved everyone, I mean EVERYONE on my team. All of our personalities fit so well together, we fed off of each other's high energy and it just felt so right. I was comfortable. The thought of ever leaving these people was nowhere close to ever crossing my mind, after all .. I had just gotten placed, which means our journey together as teammates was just beginning.
June 25th is when things started shifting. I remember the day, which is weird because at the time all of this didn't seem like stuff I really needed to think about. I was about to get on the tram to my summer school class and I got a text from my area director which was then followed by a phone call. After telling him I was on my way to school he quickly filled my brain with some ideas and threw out that he was starting a new YoungLife group at a school that wasn't in the plans during placement and he was picking three people from our county to take a position at San Marcos Baptist Academy and be paid to be a YoungLife leader. I'm sitting on the bus and all of these people are watching me as I'm trying to make sense through the loud noises of the tram engine and the occasional squeak of the tires of what the person on the other end is saying to me. Our conversation was very brief and vague, I just ended the conversation with "I have time to think and pray about this..right?" I didn't even know if I had to make this decision on the spot. Luckily, I didn't.
At that point in time, I was still holding on fairly tight to my title as a Wimberley leader. Why would I ever give up something that only gave me feelings that were associated with goodness?
Maybe the thought that I didn't know if I would work well with these new people had crossed my mind. What if we weren't alike?  Almost all of my friends from CollegeLife and leadership training were placed on my team with me, why would I leave that? I already had what I wanted.
I let it go for most of the summer and didn't even think about it, then I buckled down and knew I really needed to pray about this. I think that's when God started softening my heart. I spent one Sunday by the pool and I looked up and let the Lord dream for me. He gave me dreams in cloud shapes, specifically the shapes of continents. (Africa was one!). Just two days after that happened I went in for my meeting with SMA, they handed me some papers that told me about the school and I look down and see "Mission Field: Our student body represents countries such as Angola, Cameroon, China, Hong Kong, India, Japan, Mexico, Nigeria, Saudi Arabia, South Korea, Taiwan and Vietnam. Our domestic student population represents five different states outside of Texas and 45 cities within our state" -- some come from Austin, San Marcos, Wimberley, Buda, Kyle, etc.
-- Not only is that impressive but the vision of continents and countries in the clouds was for this, and I believe that vision is going to go far beyond the walls of this school for me. "Why do you want to be here?" they asked. My first thought was uh.. I was kind of picked, I didn't have much of a choice on that one. But then words came out of my mouth so naturally, and they were truthful, which was the big thing. "I haven't stepped foot outside of this country [except for Mexico], but I can tell you the Lord gave me a heart for mission related work and people of the nations." and I then proceeded to tell them about my love for Africa and her people. Lucky me, there's some of those people attending this school. If you haven't gathered this by the extreme amount of diversity, SMA is a boarding school and, as you can tell by the name, a private school. For those of you in YoungLife you know that this isn't the norm for outreach schools for YoungLife, so that's going to be another adjustment for me. But this is good, it's really good.
My emotions are still undecided on how I feel right now, but I know this is where I'm being led, and that's all that really matters.

One of my devotionals recently that comforted and confirmed my feelings says it best,
"Saying yes to the Lord goes far beyond logistics.
It goes beyond a block in our schedules, a note in our planners.
It reaches beyond the gifts we feel comfortable using, 
beyond the box that our status and culture and insecurities
would like us to live within. 
A yes to the Lord is impossible to qualify on earth because it is a Kingdom business.
It has eternal repercussions, soul-changing ripples that reach all the way to Heaven's shore." 

I know that I'm about to be made uncomfortable. There's only three of us on a team, which means we're doing work for all of the other teammates that are non existent. We're starting from the ground up, but it's going to be great because I'm starting to see that the moments of being uncomfortable are what draws me closer to the Father's heart, and that... that is so worth it.

Lord I find You in the seeking, Lord I find You in the doubt.

This week I learned that Sarah from the Bible and I have something in common,
we're restless in the wait 

When God promised her and Abraham that He would give them a child, even at their old age, she got tired of waiting and tried to take matters into her own hands. I catch myself doing that, a lot. 
Sarah, who tired of waiting for her child to be conceived, told her husband to sleep with their slave thinking that she could start a family through the slave. Well, once their slave became pregnant Sarah was pissed. -- So obviously taking things into her own hands turned out well. Not.
Even after Sarah pulled that move, the Lord kept His promise to Abraham and Sarah and gave them a child. He who promises is always faithful, even now.

I desire the day when I will not tire of waiting for the Lord to carry out His plan.
I desire the day when I won't try to take matters into my own hands and I surrender all control.

Father, please turn my restlessness into rest

Being in a season of waiting, I asked the Lord to wait with me.
I asked Him to sustain my faith       and He gave me this today. (via Jesus Calling)

"Keep walking with Me along the path I have chosen for you. I could instantly grant you the spiritual riches you desire, but that is not My way for you. Together we will forge a pathway up the high mountain. The journey is hard and you are weak. Some day you will dance lightfooted on the high peaks, but for now, your walk is often heavy. All I require of you is to take the next step, clinging to My hand for strength and direction. Though the path is difficult and the scenery is dull at the moment, there are sparkling surprises just around the bend. Stay on the path I have selected for you. It truly is the path of life."

The Life of a Nanny

I'm not sure what the technical definition of a nanny is.
I like to think that it's someone who holds more responsibilities than just a babysitter. Someone who works longer hours and has cleaning the house, washing the dishes, feeding the dogs (as well as the kids) on their job description.
My idea of what a nanny is being said, the Lord opened up an incredible opportunity in my little college town this summer and I have been training to be a nanny for a little girl here. "Training to be a nanny..?" you ask. -- Yep. As much experience with children that I've had, most people that come into this job have to have training, why? The girl that I'm working with has epilepsy.
Not only did I have to be trained on what to do when she has seizures, she has what feels like hundreds of meds that she has to take throughout the day, she has a very strict diet and I have to count all of the carbs that she eats (if she goes over a certain number of carbs that could set off her seizures), she can't be exposed to heat for very long (can also set off seizures), she has a service dog and I occasionally take her to therapy. WHEW! So yes, I've been training.

Today was my first day with her all by myself, and I'm not going to lie..I was nervous. This girl can throw fits if something isn't going her way. It's hard, it's really hard. Don't get me wrong, she's the biggest cuddle bug when she wants to be. (see photo) for a part of today she laid on me and wrapped her arms around mine while we watched the same episode of Blue's Clues.. three times.
- She is special needs and has repetitive tendencies. She is ten but has the brain development of a five year old.
As a Special Education major, this job was so fitting. I'm learning so much and getting to experience some of the things that I've learned about in some of my classes in my field already.
This job is teaching me patience..oh, is it teaching me patience. I often have to check my heart to make sure that my discipline is out of good intentions and doesn't come from a place of frustration.
It's also teaching me trust. Took a big leap accepting this job and an even bigger one starting on my own today. I didn't want to go on my own out of fear of messing up, but this weekend when I was at my home church in San Antonio the message was on work and how you should go for it and just try your best. Granted somebody's life is in my hands, but I didn't think I was at the point of risking her life haha so I jumped. Had to remind myself that I am confident and covered by the power of His great love.

If anyone out there is needing that extra push..
here it is.

JUMP.

pArTy In ThE uSa

Oh this fourth of July was wonderful.
Such fun times; baking, pool parties, walking the streets of Austin, eating snowcones until our tongues changed colors [patriotic colors I might add], downtown adventures, whole foods and fireworks.

I am so blessed and proud to be an American.
Thank You Lord for allowing me to live in a place where I am so privileged with what I have.
What a gift to be able to worship my god freely.
Dang. God bless America.




"I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free."

 

A How To List From Peter

  How To: add to your faith
- A tutorial from Peter


Step 1: Add GOODNESS [do what you know is right]
Step 2: Add KNOWLEDGE [study The Word and pray without ceasing]
Step 3: Add SELF-CONTROL [operate in the spirit]
Step 4: Add PERSEVERANCE [see the Lord's tasks through, even when it's hard]
Step 5: Add GODLINESS [let others know who you belong to in the way that you act]
Step 6: Add AFFECTION AND LOVE [give your time and talents and life for others]



-- Father help me to strive for these things every day that I might strengthen my faith in You!
Thank You for using Peter to lay out a to do list [You know I love those] so simple and organized so that an obsessive compulsive girl like me can understand what it is that I can do to grow.
Praying that this list would turn into actions as I put them to use in my every day life.

"When Your words came, I ate them;

    they were my joy and my heart’s delight"

- Jeremiah 15:16

My cinnamon bunches of oats were nothing compared to the breakfast the Lord had waiting for me in His word this morning as I opened up to 1 Peter

"To God’s people, God the Father decided to choose you as His people, and His Spirit has made you holy. You have obeyed Jesus Christ and are sprinkled with his blood." -- me. He chose me.. to be set apart and sprinkled by His blood. He made me different. He made me forever long to see things through His eyes. Oh Spirit change me as I read Your truth! Where better to do work of the Gospel than here at this school that is dripping with sin and lost and confused souls? I think this was spot on seeing as I started summer school today. Sitting amongst people who may not know the God I know -- all I can do is shine and hope that they see a little of Him in the way I act. Here's to summer school adventures with my heavenly Daddy.

Thank you to my She Reads Truth sisters for praying over my first day! And thank you for pointing me in the direction of 1 Peter this morning, what a tasty treat for my hungry soul. 

Love to you all <3

HOSANNA!

I started a new devotional today and today's title was "Hosanna!"
Reading through Matthew 21 as Jesus rides through Jerusalem on a donkey, the crowd shouts "Hosanna to the son of David! Hosanna in the highest heaven!" -- hosanna can mean multiple things; it can be an offering of praise or a cry for help and deliverance.
Riding through Jerusalem on that day, only the Lord knew the TRUE weight of "Hosanna!" (save us!). As I sit here tonight, I can't help but think of my own "hosanna" cries. The Lord is still the only one who knows the true weight of that cry, even as it comes from my heart here today.
Just days after these people were crying out to the Lord they turned on Him and crucified Him. Another parallel to my life as I fail Him daily -- yet He still hears. Yet He still saves us as we cry out to Him.
HALLELUJAH WHAT A SAVIOR WE HAVE IN JESUS!

In Revelation [7:9-10] it shows us what Jesus must have been thinking about as He listened to the cries of His own persecutors. "I saw a large crowd with more people than could be counted. They were from every race, tribe, nation and language and they stood before the thrown before the Lamb. They wore white robes and held palm branches in their hands as they shouted "Our God who sits upon the throne has the power to save His people and so does the Lamb." "

What a beautiful sight.
He was all human and lived in that moment and felt the hurt of His people and later on His own personal hurt, but He too was all God and saw into the future what was awaiting Him at His throne.
What I would give to be able to live purely in the moment like Jesus. I already have outfits picked out for next month! I am a mess, He loves me still!

Have a great night my friends!