valentine's blog take two

A few years ago I wrote a Valentine’s Day blog. I was semi- newly single and I was definitely still young, as I am today. If you didn’t read it, it was basically a list of a million things I want(ed) my future husband to be. I still think about that list a lot and I came to a point where I’ve realized some of those things on that list have changed, and even the fact that I made a list makes me feel silly and probably drives away any guy from ever liking me..like ever. I'm actually going to start a personal list of things I can work on myself to be a better counterpart when the time comes.

My view of relationships has changed since then. I've learned a ton about these things called grace and trust and how beautiful they are. Between learning from my parents and watching One Tree Hill, I’ve learned to pick your battles. Sometimes you just let the other person have their way because you love them. I’ve also learned more about forgiveness and how majority of the time people don’t deserve it, but you forgive them anyways.. ya know, like Jesus did for us.

Finding someone who exhibits everything on that list would be wonderful, but I’ve realized it’s also a list almost impossible to achieve, so I’ve prepared for that. It’s awesome to dream big and as girls we’re constantly being told not to settle, but if you’re expecting perfection no guy is going to have that. It has taken me a really long time to grasp that last part.

My life, interests and heart have changed. I’ve always loved music, and before I would be happy with a guy who would just listen to music with me, but now I have a desire for someone who will make music with me which is sort of new. In my past relationship that’s what I had and I never knew that was something I desired, but since then I’ve started making music with my friends more and I realized how much dating someone who was musical themselves just made sense – but it’s still not a non-negotiable. If I love someone and they don’t play music, but they support me when I do, then right on.

I’ve also turned 21 since I wrote that blog! And while smoking certain things is still completely out of the question, I wrote about drinking before I had been truly exposed to it. My parents have been such great examples when it comes to that. I rarely see them drink and when I do it’s not a big deal because it doesn’t change who they are. I waited until I was 21 to drink and I’ve realized that you can drink without getting drunk! It’s neat. Drinking still isn’t my favorite thing, I don’t do it often and I definitely don’t want a relationship to be centered around something like that but I definitely have a different view of it now.

something I think silly things like, “I hope he likes sushi!” and  “I hope he doesn’t mind that I’m going to want to take a picture with him all the time so I never forget a moment” overall I’m just stuck in a state of wonder, and I think that’s a cool place to be.

At my age, I’m in a season where my friends are getting engaged, married and even having babies and I am genuinely happy for them which is such a great feeling; to not be jealous, bitter or upset like I probably would have been a few years ago. I’m a hopeless romantic, so I light up when it comes to love, but the Lord has been so good to get me to a place where I’m happy with where I’m at and I don’t bash other people’s love life. I’m happy for them and I’m happy for me. I love being in a place where I'm not completely lost and lonely without a relationship because I have such a great Father, family and friends who are working over time to love me - so while I'm waiting things are good and I'm having a fun time loving them too. Thankful that I’m growing and learning every day.

Praying for all of you who have a hard time when it comes to Valentines day, that your heart wouldn’t be hardened, that you would feel happiness in place of sadness, that you would spur others on in love. Happy Valentine’s Day Friends J

Love wins in the end

thankful that none of my mistakes have made my God love me any less. thankful that God's grace is bigger than any sin that I may commit. thankful that no matter how far I stay, when I turn to back to find Him after I've lost my way - He's right where I left Him waiting for me with open arms.

thankful for little justin bieber and his talent portrayed through music that can get me dancing and happy like none other. thankful for the life he speaks to his fans telling them to follow their dreams and believe in themselves and even posting truth and scripture from time to time.

ya see, it's been a hard week in the life of justin bieber and sometimes I forget how this whole sin thing works and often think what other people do is worse than anything I could ever do, why can't they just be a better christian like me..right?

WRONG. that's what satan wants me to believe. it's called pride - and it's a sin too.
 well here I am on a public blog calling myself out - I get prideful from time to time (I'd like to think I'm not the only one). but when I sit back and think about it, the fact that I can well up with pride and think that my sins are less than anyone else's is a lie, not to mention cRaZy. Romans 3:10 says that none are righteous .. no, not a single one of us. So before you start saying hurtful things about justin or whoever else in your life, think about that. I'll do my best to do the same. It's not easy.  Romans 3:1-20 is an awesome passage about how we're all pretty messed up, good reminder that we're all human and do some 'not so smart things', and some of us have more spotlight on those 'things' and it amplifies the problem even though it's not worse than if someone who wasn't famous would have done it. it's bad, bottom line.


"aren't you a little old to be a belieber? and you're supporting someone who just got a DUI.....ok."    // I know it's what some of you are thinking. yes, I'm a fan of the biebs, and I am most certainly not saying his behavior is ok. I'm in no way supporting getting a DUI or any of his other fall outs that he has had lately. AT ALL, actually. I'm just supporting the Biblical principle of GRACE and forgiveness.

The Lord looks at all of our sins the same, no sin is bigger than another and the greatest news? God's grace is big enough to cover them ALL.

our Father HATES when we sin. it hurts Him, a lot. but even though we mess up from time to time He loves us (the same amount of love before we sinned, HIS LOVE NEVER CHANGES EVEN IF WE SCREW UP). our Father loves it when we repent and turn from our sins. we're all going to mess up again, it's inevitable. now don't do it on purpose, that's like intentionally wanting to hurt someone's feelings -- because that's exactly what it is. but know that you're not ever too far from God for Him to forgive you and bring you back. He's really nice like that.

yes, after all of this mess I'm still a belieber.
people make jokes, but every time I force someone to watch a justin bieber movie with me -- they get chills or teary eyed or sing along to a song (or all of them) because you just can't help it. it stinks hearing some males who constantly bash justin because the ladies dig him and he's more successful than them. yes he does deserve the position he's in, he works hard and despite some people's beliefs I (and obviously plenty of other people) think he is gifted in what he does. looking past some crazy decisions, this kid is a fellow believer in Jesus Christ, we should be loving him! it's inspiring to me to see a little boy born from a teen mother who started out playing his guitar on the side of the street sell out Madison Square Garden as a teenager. God can/ will do the craziest things through the most unlikely people.



this may be silly, but it's what was on my heart today.
hope you never forget that God's grace can outdo your past

hate may win some battles, but Love wins in the end 

I'm letting go [falling into You]

my parents told me to keep writing blogs this year.. so here i am.

I feel like I haven't been writing as much or as transparent as I would in years past, part of that due to me hearing a voice in the back of my head saying "that's too deep/emotional"  "don't post that, it's going to offend someone"  "don't hit that publish button because your post isn't good enough" (and partially because any free time I do have is not spent writing)
But I'm taking advantage of this whole new year thing and leaving some insecurities, things that have emotionally/ mentally destroyed me and everything that has held me back in 2013 where they belong. My 2014 doesn't have the time or space for any of that.

Steffany Gretzinger said it best :
"We were made in the image of the most radical human being to walk the planet. WE were born to be radical, we were born to offend -- not on purpose, but the way we live our lives should offend anyone that opposes Jesus."


She spoke that straight to my heart last night whether she knew it or not and I hope it speaks to someone else's.
I'm not going to be quiet about the dark seasons of my life - the Lord uses those to touch/change other people as much as they did for me. Testimonies are powerful and God doesn't give them to us to hide under a bushel.

I'm going to intentionally look for those moments when I could be called 'radical' for doing something that honors the Lord instead of fearing of hurting someone's feelings who doesn't see Jesus or life the way I do.[ this is going to be hard for me ]
 If it makes Him happy, I want to do more of that.

Which leads me to my plans.. everyone gets asked about their future up until they're finally in their big boy/girl job. Well, I was planning on graduating this May with people my age but that has recently changed. This past fall semester was probably my hardest as I was taking a block [teaching at a high school] ,taking additional courses, making friendships last, doing things Young Life leaders do on top of leading worship multiple nights out of the week and trying not to miss my little sister's big moments of her senior year in high school back home. I didn't sleep much, I probably didn't eat much or breathe much either -- I don't really even remember. But the crazy thing is, I did so much but have recently been convicted by a dear friend that I still missed some important things on my "to do" list.
So what does this mean for me? This means I'm going to try to keep myself healthy and SANE this semester. I toned down the amount of hours I'm taking because I refuse to tone down the amount that I put into Young Life / important relationships. Throughout my life I've heard numerous people tell me/ other people "School needs to be the number one focus" but this has never come out of the mouth of my parents. My parents encourage(d) me and all of my sisters to do well in school, they care just like every good parent should and they wouldn't just let us get by if our grades were slipping, but they never made my world revolve around academics and I feel sorry for whoever's parents do. I make good grades, and yes having an education is important -- I believe that, I'm in school to be a teacher! But that's not all there is to life. My parents didn't rob me of my whole social life or just flat out ruin my life for academics. There would be days that I couldn't play with friends because they thought I should work on homework but those days were so few (and I still ended up being ok!). My parents, and recently my church, have taught me to focus on the things that are eternal and long-lasting. This does not mean being careless by any means. This means I'm enjoying this season of being a college Young Life leader and I'm going to continue working really hard at being a good leader/ sister/ role model/ light of Jesus for a group of high school girls who are so precious to me. This means that those life long friendships I've made at Texas State are special and deserve time, attention and care - not a friend who is unavailable,grumpy or too tired to listen. Friendships are super important to me, I don't let go of them easily and my heart is to put so much love into every relationship I'm a part of. I find happiness in knowing that I maintain friendships I've had since I was in elementary school. Things like that are a part of me.

"For every real relationship, this is the thing: 
Without the fuel of time there is no fire of intimacy." ~ Ann Voskamp

These things need time. I need time. Time to not let my anxiety flare up, time to be healthy and not completely stressed, time to figure out more about who Jesus wants me to be and time to get poured into spiritually so I don't run dry  - because the day will come when I get that big girl job (whatever it may be) and I won't get this sacred "time" back. I don't think God calls us to be stressed, but I do think He calls us to work hard and excel in what we do..so that's where I'm at. Right now the plan is to continue classes this this semester, this summer/ next fall and then student teach next spring. I can walk the stage before or after student teaching, but I haven't decided which one yet (walking the stage with my younger friends in the spring sounds really tempting). I've got some other things in the works for this year, so we'll see how they work out. I want to travel more, I'm also going to start praying about Africa more as I feel the time for me to go is definitely coming closer- it has been popping up all throughout my life lately and I really want the wisdom to know when/how He wants me to go..because I know He wants me to . You can join me in praying for that if you like :)           

I'm already walking into this new year with a new-found confidence that only comes with my journey of uncovering a different piece of who I am in Him each day, and this blog post is proof of that. I'm getting back on my feet after a few years of a whirlwind and I'm coming out on the other end with so much favor. I pray that whoever is reading this and needs the strength to let go of something that's holding them back would receive it.
2014 is a year to be radical, fanatical, crazy for You, Jesus.


"We determine how much influence we'll have when we decide how available we'll be.  
Be extravagant with your time." - Bob Goff

a new year; a new song

2013 was CrAzY. I retired from dance and jump started being a Young Life leader where I've made some of my dearest college friends.
The Lord's favor in my life was so evident in 2013 and I am believing that His favor will carry over to 2014 exceeding what I experienced this past year.

Lots of new friendships were made, lots of photos were taken, lots of roads were traveled, lots of concert tickets were purchased, lots of songs were sung.    Oh, and I turned 21 which is always nice.

2013 I became a fan of Katy Perry with the release of her song Roar. Before that I wasn't necessarily into her music, but now it's a completely different story. For me, I see Roar as a statement about finding your identity in the Lord and not in a man or the crazy world we live in. This is one song I am singing over 2014.
My friend's little sister and I were messing around the other day and decided to record our version of the song -- you can check it out here if you want!

I brought in the new year with a new hair-do. I donated 12inches of my hippie hair in honor of my friends/ family being affected by cancer right now. I seriously think the Lord gave me a gift, if that's what you would call it, when it comes to growing hair so that I could do things like this. I LOVE my hair (most of the time), I've never dyed it in my life besides crazy colored streaks under my hair when I'm feeling wild. I tell people often that I feel a bit like Samson in the Bible when Delilah has a man cut his hair  #christiangirlproblems  haha -- I'm so attached to my hair (literally and emotionally haha) so it's definitely hard watching people cut it off, but it's painful in the best way. I've walked through the cancer journey with friends and family who have lost their hair.. I've been on that end so I know what a blessing Locks of Love is and I would be crazy not to be a part of this with my hair growing at the rate that it does. 

This haircut is a reflection of me, a new me. This year I'm going to receive more confidence, I'm going to stop letting my past steal joy from my future, I'm going to sing..a lot and laugh.. a lot, I'm going to worry less and pray more, I'm going to accept the offer that Jesus gives me every day to be free from emotional bondage/ baggage. I'm going to love Jesus above all. 

2014 is off to a great start .. WHEE!

through the storm He is Lord

Readers, please lift up my friend, and singing partner, Garrett in prayer tonight.
We found out some not so fun news today that his brain tumor has returned and I am choosing not to accept that! Please pray for his tumor removal surgery, his radiation therapy and for complete healing and NO more tumors in Jesus' name!
Garrett's friendship and wisdom has blessed me immensely and seriously has changed my college experience here. Garrett picked my voice out of a room of voices to sing with him at Texas State's FCA (total CRAZY God thing), which turned into singing at a church in Lockhart, which turned into singing at Texas State College Life and the many places (garages, classrooms etc.) in between.
Thankful that in the process of all our singing craziness we became such good friends and I had him to encourage me countless times in all areas of my life whether it be singing or even dancing when I was on the University's dance team. This guy was there cheering me on every step of the way.
He loves the Lord and it doesn't take long to notice that once you start talking to him or when you listen to him sing.

One of our favorite songs to sing together is Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship

The chorus and bridge are especially true for us tonight

Chorus:
Give me faith to trust what You say
That You're good, and Your love is great.
I'm broken inside, I give You my life.

Bridge:
I may be weak, but
Your Spirit's strong in me.
My flesh may fail, but
My God You never will.

The god that Garrett and I serve has never failed us, and this tumor isn't a sign of Him failing us now. In the context of God's strength, this tumor is so small. Thank you to those who are reading this and are praying for Garrett.

Feel free to leave prayers/ uplifting messages for Garrett here, on the post on facebook or on the YouTube video below.

Garrett has had this news before and he continued to sing to the Lord anyway. Here's a video of him and I at Texas State's College Life singing Cornerstone by Hillsong -- check out how the Lord blessed him with the gift of music

sorry for those experiencing difficulties with the video, hopefully it will fix itself soon haha!

giving of thanks

Reminiscing on Thanksgiving day 2012. At 4:00am I woke up inside the Hilton New York, curled my hair, slabbed on makeup and proudly put on my maroon Texas State University Strutters uniform. The cold, dark subway tunnel led me to one of the greatest experiences of my life. After my little sister and I got interviewed and my team missed our cue for the parade.. I walked (ran) the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade route in New York. Most people have watching the Macy's Parade in New York on their bucket list, I got to be in it.. how blessed am I? I continuously thank God for that day and that trip because it happened all because of His favor and provision. I had been offered a trip to be in the parade since the summer after my freshman year of high school and it was never a possibility for me to go, God orchestrated it so that years later I would transfer to a University that had a known dance team, I would soon make that team and that year we would be the first performers in that parade .. all the same year that my little sister had the opportunity to go. After making the team I found out about the trip and had already said that I was unable to go, but my director made sure that every single one of us was able to go and I am so thankful for her, my family and for all of the people who made this dream of mine come true.
This year on Thanksgiving I am in Greenville, South Carolina with my family, newest nephew Carson Allen asleep in my arms. Tomorrow we fly back to Texas..as a whole family. My sister and her little family are moving from South Carolina back to Texas with us which is something to be thankful for!



I've been reading the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and it has changed my prayer life and the way I view the world around me, it teaches/ reminds you to give thanks in all of the little things, which could easily be made into the big things. There's a "joy dare" for each day of the year and today's joy dare is to give thanks for gifts in community; on this day I am super thankful for the community that helped get me to New York last year, my CBC community (even though i've moved and don't really go there anymore, growing up this is where i spent most of my time and got influenced the most), and my Young Life community who constantly pushes me out of my comfort zone and teaches me how to be a better Jesus follower.
I dare you to join this joy dare by finding this month's joy dare list from One Thousand gifts and verbalizing what it is that you are thankful for.

I pray that you all find something(s) to be thankful for today, I'm thankful for YOU!

click here to see a video of our performance!

Worship Post Wednesday

Worship [according to the dictionary]

noun ; reverent honor paid to God 

                                       

While that definition is totally true, I'm not sure it does enough justice to the greatness that is worship.

I was at a night of worship with All Sons & Daughters a few weeks ago where they referenced worship as "giving God His breath back" ...woah. LOVE that! I love looking at worship as a way of reminding myself of His goodness and celebrating Him, who He is and what He has done. 

Some have a mindset that singing songs at church is the only form of worship we have, and I would strongly beg to differ, but I also don't want to neglect the importance of praise and worship songs because those are such a great part of my own personal worship life (I'll probably write a separate post about that later). I think that everything can be worship if you are focused on giving the Lord glory and honor with what you are doing in that moment. Prayer can be your worship, the way you live your life could (and should) be a form of worship -- the list goes on!


 I was blessed to grow up in a church where they welcomed my ability and passion for dance and gave me opportunities to use that gift in our church services to "give God His breath back", to show that He is the one who gave me this ability and that I choose to use it for Him so that if anyone sees anything good or admirable in me or my dancing that they are seeing what is good and admirable in my Jesus, to show that sometimes I'm so full of joy that I can't help but dance and leap and just smile (because that's what I do!), to show raw emotion (even sadness) in response to His story or what He is doing in my life. Dance is just one of many forms of worship, and every form of worship touches His heart the same, "not one style of genuine worship is superior to another, the ground is level at the foot of the cross". Don't for a moment believe the lie that your unique gift / form of worship is not good enough. Worship is not a performance and it's not about how talented or "good enough" we are -- it's about the condition of our heart. It's not confined to a church building, it should be something continuous, it should be an attitude! I know I personally need that reminder.. a lot! 

I'm no expert on worship, but I have been poured into a lot lately in this area of my life and it's something I become more passionate about as time passes so I thought I'd sit down and take a breather and type out some thoughts :)  

Hope this finds blog finds you well, love you all!