Didn't know my last post would be me preaching to myself. This week took a turn very quickly. My Nonni went in for open heart surgery a little over a week ago and of course that comes with its own complications, side effects whatever. I honestly believed she was going to be fine even with the reports I had been getting. I prayed and I felt pretty calm about everything.   Today while I was half asleep my dad came into my room and told me he was going to drive up to where my Grandparents live, around the Texas Oklahoma border. Wasn't too long after he arrived that I got the worst phone call ever. My dad could barely make out words, I had to keep myself from crying too. He didn't think my Grandma was going to make it.   And just a little over an hour ago at 10:00pm, my Nonni passed away. Daddy was holding her hand.

So many things I wish I could say to you. I won't forget all the fun times we had baking random things together.  I got my sassiness and my sassy walk from you, I'll make you proud and carry on the legacy. I wish I was there with everyone, and I wish I could be with you where you are now. Shower your love on us and Grandaddy every day.  I'm honored that I could call a woman like you my Nonni.                    I love you.

A few days ago in a conversation, the song Jesus loves me was brought up. Semi as a joke, but as I was reading through a devotional today some of the lyrics spoke to me through my passage.
-Yeah, I'm still that much of a kid that  'Jesus loves me' speaks to my heart.
We are weak but He is strong.
I'm the first to admit that things hurt me probably more easily than they should. I feel like I'm constantly putting up with some thing or some one, and it drains me.  I think our weakness is so beautiful though. It's in our points of weakness that God reveals His strength. We don't have anything else, but He is willing to be OUR strength and He can break us free from any bondage.

I am so thankful that JESUS loves me
and chooses to be my strength when I call upon Him.

the beach

This past week/weekend the family had planned a trip to the beach, sort of as a celebration for my mom and our family and all we've gone through this past year. we like to go to the beach fairly frequently but weren't able to last year because of all of mom's stuff.
Dad and I went up before everyone else and we spent the night surf fishing which was fun, even though we didn't have much luck. The next day my mom and my little sister arrived and we had a fun dinner with some sweet potato fries at a little restaurant on the island. Then me and Dad went fishing with some friends at their beach house while mom and sister watched. They're lame. haha but we caught a few and it was a fun night.


I woke up the next morning and had my quiet time on the beach. I still am in awe when I think about it. Like sitting there in the midst of God's beautiful creation while reading words God has spoken to His people isn't something I took lightly. IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. Even the seaweed, I didn't even care. Everything around me was unfathomable. I have NO idea where it came from, but a line from a Nicole C. Mullen song was stuck in my head that weekend and described my unattainable thoughts.Who told the ocean "You can only go this far." ? It's things like looking at the ocean that make you believe our Redeemer lives. I would go and stand in the ocean and just wonder how God made every wave crash in at all, yet alone rhythmically. I can't even begin to understand, and that's just the beginning of God's works.


After a wonderful morning some friends came in, who are basically family.We've known them forever and they've been a huge blessing to us especially this past year. We spent most of the day at the beach, Julia and I branched off and went to the pool for a bit. Then after everyone got freshened up we sat down at our table in the condo and had a nice dinner together and went out for ice cream which is one of my favorite food groups. 
Then Julia, Davis and I stayed up after everyone went to bed and watched Justin Bieber's Never Say Never. This was my second time seeing it, it still made me want to dance. It's like a singalong I swear.
The next morning I went down to the beach for some more quiet time. This time I added a little Kari Jobe on my ipod to the mix after I finished which was nice. Two random guys made fun of me for reading on the beach, then they noticed one of the books was my Bible and they all of a sudden had respect for me and wanted to be my friend. . . it was weird and I was busy listening to Kari Jobe, duh.   After quiet time I met up with the crew and went into the ocean for a little bit. Where at some point Davis managed to get stung by a jellyfish three times. That's talent. I'm not a big fan of being in the ocean, not sure why.. then I went up to the condo and took a shower and when I got out we had visitors!
Craig and Melissa hung out with us for a bit, so that was fun! They're precious. Later our little group went shopping then we went out to dinner where we saw a girl who looked like Taylor Swift. HAHAHA. anyways.
We then proceeded to take a nice night walk on the beach barefooted then came back to the condo and made s'mores :)
Then it was time to go. The next morning we packed up, took pictures, prayed and then headed out.  It was sad, really. I love the beach.

Of course, can't leave out the fact that I was sad because my buddy wasn't there..

This week started out as a total bust. I'm pretty sure everyone who has encountered with me knows I've been bummed, so I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself because there's nothing I can do about it! Haha but this week I've gotten to hang out with other people and it's been different.

I can tell God is putting new people in my life, and I'm loving it. Friendships with people who share your faith are so much different than any other friendships. God has even placed people in my life that I haven't even met face to face, yet they are a huge source of encouragement to me.

As believers, even just simply as FRIENDS.. we need to encourage one another. I don't think we do that enough. I think people underestimate the power of encouragement. I've seen what it does, and honestly I love to encourage other people. IT JUST FEELS GOOD. - the text message from your friend that you totally weren't expecting but it made your day, the wall post that the cutest boy ever just posted on your wall for the whole world to see, the simple act of spending time with someone who needs it, the positive thoughts you share with someone who is thinking negatively.   I'm not the best at all of those, but I know the feeling whenever people make me feel special and encourage me and give me strength.    I think really good friends do that.

I suppose I can rant about that in another blog.. ANYWAYS 4th of July I began by spending it with my family. It was pretty special this year, I got to spend time with my cousin who is in the military and got to come home and visit :) Then I spent most of the night time with the Kingery family. Always good times there. For sure.
Then tonight I got to have dinner with a bunch of my mom's side of the family which is usually a little crazy, but hey. It was fun I guess haha. It's been pretty eventful.
Tomorrow I leave for the beach. I have mixed feelings haha I absolutely LOVE the beach. It's just so beautiful and relaxing, but it would be such a different experience with my bestie alongside me.  I'll try to update while I'm at the beach! I haven't posted on here in a while, life has sort of been out of whack, but maybe I'll slide back into things soon.




Benjamin, if you read this I hope you're having a great time in Alaska schooling Asians in ping pong competitions. I miss you SO much and am praying you return home safely to me! I love you.

On this day a year ago I graduated from high school.

To be honest, I was in such a weird place in my life. I skipped senior awards nights before, and I even attempted getting out of walking across the stage, and I didn't want to participate in Project Graduation with the rest of my class. The only thing out of those three that I did was walk the stage. My mom's diagnosis was weeks before and I all of a sudden didn't care about high school anymore, like at all. That night instead of project graduation I packed and pulled an all nighter getting ready to spend a month at Camp Tejas, which I may not be going to this Summer for the first time since the Summer before I was in third grade. It's such a weird feeling, I seriously feel like a part of me is missing haha but I just don't know if that's where I need to go this Summer. 

Usually the Summer before entering their first year of college people have the time of their life. I barely remember my Summer, it was a blur. Camp and then we hit the ground running with Mom. As much as my family drives me crazy, I'm glad that I spent all the time I could with them rather than being with other people.  I also learned VERY quickly who true friends were, and that I don't have very many yet I still choose to be friends with everyone. We had camp fees and school fees payed for us last year. These people did it anonymously so if you happen to read this .. you know who you are, THANK YOU. We were so blessed by you.  To the people who have supported me and were there for me last Summer/this year. Thank you so much. Our journey isn't over yet, please keep our family lifted in prayer.

To my childhood bestie Sammi, my boyfriend Ben and my 2011 graduate friends,

congratulations I am SO proud of all of you! Keep on pushing, there are great things ahead.

Be Still

Hmm I don't know if it was the whiteboard message in my room, the playing repetition of Kari Jobe's 'Be Still' during a car ride with my boyfriend or the TWO devotionals about Being Still this week that got the message through , but ... the message got through, God. Thank you.

Whenever I've had conversations with people about "Hearing God" they usually come back with "God doesn't have an audible voice, so I've never heard Him." or "He has never spoken to me."     God doesn't have this booming voice like people portray in movies, but I know He talks to me, and He can talk to everyone. It's little things like the list posted above. He put multiple instances right in my face sending me a message, He's talking to me. I know He is.     To the people who say "He's never spoken to me."  sometimes You just have to look at things differently. Listen instead of talk , notice the things that tug at your heart , and be aware of what is repeatedly revealed to you. 

Obviously, if you haven't noticed .. lately God has been telling me to be still and wait PATIENTLY for Him.

Instant gratification is what our world wants these days. The fast food, the drive thru for banks, starbucks, snowcones you name it. Trying to get a list of things done before the timer goes off on the microwave or before your shower gets to the temperature you like. Filling a whole day's schedule with things to do.   - It's how we are, so we tend to carry it over into other parts of life. For me, the issue of uncertainty can drive me up the wall. Having conversations and thoughts lately have led me to that point and I'm kind of just like "welllll I don't know what's going to happen or how this is going to turn out or if it's going to go my way". That doesn't sit well with me, but that's where God comes in. He doesn't work according to what I want. He works according to what I need as far as the plans He has already made for me. 

"We can't hurry the Lord. He does things in His time." - Joyce Meyer

And thank God that He does because He is always on time! While we wait for the answers to our prayers or desires, we must learn to enjoy the time waiting. - That's where my big problem is. I'm an extremely anxious person. I like knowing things right then and there and if I don't, it's not pretty. So my prayer for me is to completely change that.

God's greatest desire for His children is that they experience His best in their lives

You CAN hear God, it's part of our inheritance so don't ever believe otherwise.

If you've never heard Kari Jobe or her song Be Still , PLEASE 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRfWORi4aM0

I am obsessed with this chick.

BE STILL MY SOUL BE STILL, WAIT PATIENTLY UPON THE LORD. 

Dancers Among Us

For those of you who don't know about my passion or my story ..

I've been dancing since I was about 8 years old, none of my classes were ever too serious and I still to this day have never taken classes from an actual studio. My freshman year of high school I was on pep-squad, which people are always embarrassed about but as a freshman that's your only option for dance and there's absolutely nothing wrong with pep squad. I just wanted to dance. So I did that and tried out for JV dance my sophomore year and made it. Here comes the kicker, my junior year I tried out for Varsity Dance. 7 juniors made it that year, and I was one of them. 7 is not a lot at ALL if you know the size of my high school, and all the other juniors that made it had been dancing in studios for a while. I think then was when I realized that God really did give me this ability, even if I'm not the best.

People don't know how hard I had to work to get up to that level, watching tv in a straddle, forcing myself to stretch EVERY night before bed, teaching myself skills that every other girl had already known from their studio. I taught myself everything and probably had to work twice as hard as some of these girls. I don't think I'm by any means a "good" dancer at all, but I'm proud to be where I am especially knowing that I can work hard and master almost anything. [I just have to build up the guts].
I've had experience teaching dance before I even became a legit dancer, I've been teaching since I was in 5th grade, and I was the hip hop director for American Dance Company recently.
 Your life changes being a dancer, you see things as beautiful that other people wouldn't see. You appreciate random things. You respect a person with good technique and flexibility. You don't walk nearly as much as you used to because dancing is more fun. You refer to the butterfly as a stretch more often than an insect. You have blisters on your feet permanently. You get excited when you form calusses on the balls of your foot. You don't realize how much french you know just from dance terms alone.  People play with you like a barbie because they're fascinated with the way you bend. Your toes are pointed so much that people make sure to tell you about it every chance they get. Your body cracks in abnormal places. You have multiple drawers dedicated to dance attire/shoes. You don't think it's weird for boys to wear tights.
I just think dance is beautiful, it really is a way of life.