God,come to me.Make me who You want me to be.

     Entering your last few years of high school , everyone faces the questions "Where do you want to go to school ?" "What do you think you want to major in?" .  At first it felt like everyone around me had their lives already figured out. It made me nervous for a while , then I soon realized that wasn't exactly the case and I didn't need to be nervous. Those people didn't have their lives all figured out, and some of my older friends have already changed their major a multitude of times. Just that little bit of information made me rest assured that I would be fine. I'm already in college and I still have no idea what exactly I want to major in or where I want to transfer to. I have ideas , I'm just extremely indecisive in general. I don't want to make a wrong decision.
   The other day my friend's dad stopped me in the hall at church and we talked about my school life and what not. I told him about my situation and my indecisiveness, and at the end of our conversation he laid his hand on my head and told me he would be praying for me. I can't tell you how good it made me feel to hear that. To know that somebody else would be praying for God to show me what I need to do not only gave me peace , but made me come to the realization that I need to be praying about this situation more myself.
   Throughout my life leading up to where I am now , I've learned from personal experience with my own family not to necessarily go with what's going to get you more money, or do whatever so and so tells you to do. Go with what God says , and he'll take care of the rest. He's proven himself faithful to my family in that aspect.
                                            Philippians 4:6

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. 

Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

  This verse was first brought to my attention at a young age, I'm pretty sure I was in third grade.

   In kids choir we sang a song "Don't worry about anything , instead pray about everything.Tell God what you need and thank for what he has done..If you will learn to do this, God's peace will come. You won't understand it , but God's peace will come." We did the hand jive to it and everything. Pretty legit for a bunch of little kids leading worship.  

This verse has helped me through so much. Who knew a cute little song could be so useful ?

Needless to say, I'm extremely anxious for what God has in store for me. I just want to hit the ground running already and start my life. Right now, he wants me to wait and I'm starting to be ok with that. Regardless, I can't wait to see what he turns the little girl that I used to be into :)

What can I do but offer this heart oh God completely to you.

 Mom had to go to the hospital this morning because her counts were lower than they've ever been and she was now anemic. She had to get her first blood transfusion today. It was seriously the weirdest thing watching somebody else's blood going into my mom's port.
At first just getting used to the idea of my mom having a port and seeing her  hooked up to medicines in general was strange for me, now THIS?! Where the usual bag of clear fluids or chemo meds usually hung , there was now a frozen bag of blood .. GAG ME. To make matters worse, the nurses came in and were like "oh cool this blood is blue!" and would make other comments that made me want to turn and be like "REALLY?! I'm kind of trying to eat my lunch here people."

Through it all , mom had a great attitude as usual. I don't know how she does it.

Thank you to the donor , wherever you are , for helping make my mommy better.
We're hoping to not have many blood transfusions in the near future, but if needed, I'm sure it would make us feel a lot better if we actually knew who the hecks blood was going to be flowing through my mom's veins. She is O+ , if that means anything to wannabe donors out there.

Allow God to move through you to "fuse" into somebody else's heart today.They just might need it :)

Love others. Love yourself.

  It has been two years today since my friend Stephen committed suicide. I don't know if anyone could have stopped him from doing what he did , but I know I don't want anyone else to go through anything so horrible.

There's an organization called To Write Love On Her Arms [TWLOHA]. People wear their shirts all the time, and write "love" on their arms every few months but not everyone knows the story behind the organization and why they're wearing that shirt or writing love on their arms. To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. They have a really cool story , and it's faith based. If you want to read their story / buy merchandise now that you know what exactly this is , visit http://www.twloha.com/ .


1 Corinthians 6 : 19-20     "You are not your own , you were bought with a price."
I repeat :YOU WERE BOUGHT WITH A PRICE. A pretty large one at that .. 
Jesus died so that we could experience LIFE !   "You are not your own." - who are we to decide when we should leave this earth ? It's like slapping Jesus in the face. 
If you're still alive, there's a reason ! 


Ironically enough , it's suicide prevention week. Crazy.  
Everyone can do their part. Reach out to someone this week. And don't let it stop there, continue even after this week is over. I had no idea Stephen was going to do what he did to himself , but I know that if we all knew what was going on in his head , we would have tried to help. So I'm starting to reach out now , before those awful thoughts enter another person's mind and it's too late. 


The Bible tells us to love one another as we love ourselves. If you're totally content with your life , share that feeling with others ! 
John 15:17-"This is my command : Love one another."
It's hard to love others when you don't love yourself. So build someone up today. 
Sometimes it can be tougher than it sounds . At times the people you love the most are the ones we fight with on a pretty regular basis. But try making an effort , it's the first step :)


Don't let today pass by without telling or showing the people you love how much you care.

Celebrating the life of Stephen Daniel Barrios.

 The last five words anyone heard from you before you left the earth were "I don't hate my life." You said you weren't strong enough to handle the world anymore. Leaving was probably the most selfish thing you could do, and you even said that yourself. Now every September 2nd and 9th those strange feelings come back knowing I'll never see you again , not even in Oklahoma , until I meet up with you in heaven.

Today is your birthday, I'm trying to make the best out of it by thinking happy thoughts.When you lived with Zach and were one of my neighbors is definitely something I remember. I would walk down the street and see you skateboarding outside and then I would come home and you would leave me a comment saying how lame I was because nobody "takes walks" anymore. Spanish would have been lifeless without you, just ask anyone in our class. We would always share random stories about Jackie & Becca and freak out because we both lived in Oklahoma at some point. Anytime anybody heard the word "YAHEW!" in the hallways of churchill, along with your many other phrases, they knew Stephen was comin. It's just the way you were.

I won't ever forget September 9th. The night before , back when we all had myspace , you posted a blog with extreme hints that you were planning on leaving. I read it and immediately texted Becca&Jackie. I didn't know whether to believe it or if it was some kind of cruel joke. Nobody knew what was going on and whenever anyone tried to call you , you didn't say a word. I barely slept that night just wondering. Throughout the day Zach was keeping everyone posted and sending texts. Then after my first period , I remember I was in dance , I looked at my phone and I had a text from Becca. "He's gone." - my heart sank Stephen. You hurt so many people , but I know you're with God now and you're happy. And I'm so thankful that the only memories I have with you are good ones.
^ That picture is the only one I still have of us. You're part of the reason I take so many pictures , so just in case anyone else decides to leave me , I'll have more memories of them.

There's a reason I'm writing this on your birthday instead of .. that one day. I'm celebrating your life ! And the joy you brought to everyone , I'm looking at the positive side. Thank you for being my friend Stephen :)

"I know I saw a light in you, as we walked we were talking I didn't say half the things I wanted to...I can't help it if you look like an angel."