Where to begin! I am back from my road trip to Oklahoma, it was much needed. Getting out of Texas couldn't have come at a better time. It was so nice. We spent Christmas with our family and friends up on the border. This was our first Christmas without my Nonni. It was strange, but she got to celebrate Jesus' birthday with Him up close and personal which is the coolest thing. We missed her though. For those of you that know about my obsession with chocolate .. My Grandaddy made a whole container of hot chocolate. Talk about being in heaven..    

 that night my sister, mom, aunts and cousins and I went through my Nonni's things and gathered some of her belongings. Another weird thing to do, but it was cool.

After spending time with the family, the next day we headed to Tulsa. I got to spend some time with my childhood BFF who I've known since she was in the first grade. We still keep in touch and we're still insane. We're basically the greatest.



We got to spend some time with my God family(s)
That's always a fun and special time.










Also, I must inform everyone .. I fell in love over Christmas break.
His name is Peyton.

I also got to spend some time with some other special people :) so that was fun too









And now we are back at home and safe! Thank You Lord. Tonight we went to the Baylor vs. Washington game which was exciting to be there watching RGIII and the bears get another win, thanks to some awesome family members for giving us the hookups. We had a great night!

"If God gave it to me" we say. "It's mine. I can do what I want with it." No. The truth is that it is our to thank Him for and ours to offer back to Him, ours to relinquish, ours to lose, ours to let go of - if we wants to find our true selves. If we want real life. If our hearts are set on glory. -Passion and Purity

He says to us
".. If any man will let himself be lost for my sake, he will find his true self."
When will we find it? we ask. The answer is trust Me .
How will we find it? The answer again is, trust Me.
Why must I let myself be lost? we persist.
The answer is look at the acorn and trust Me.
- Elisabeth Ellliot    Passion and Purity

Help me to seek first YOUR kingdom,
You'll provide for me.
Your grace for me is all I need.

"This is a song about the feeling that lasts about as long as the song does. It's called Perfectly Lonely." - John Mayer                      My word. Please marry me. 
K maybe not cause you're not the greatest person, but seriously? 
You're fitting my vibe tonight & this song was incredible when I saw it live.

Just as a gem cannot be polished without friction,
 nor can a life be perfected without trials.

"The love you give is more unselfish when it is one that stretches you out of your comfort zone,but the rewards are great"

"My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure...my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my guide reliable, my mission clear"

"His unfailing love has NOT vanished forever
His promises have NOT failed
He has NOT forgotten to be merciful
and He has NOT withheld His compassion"

My Heavenly Father has not forsaken me in my time of weakness.

What an embrace He is so desperately longing to give ME in this very moment! 

I love Him so 

& I am extremely thankful for all He is doing in my life 

even though I don't always see the big picture.

"When questions befall me with uncertainties ahead
And I want all control, not relying on You instead
When I get impatient for the direction that You have planned,
Order my steps, Lord
Order my steps

Order my steps, for my life is not my own
Order my steps, I trust and have faith in You, Lord, alone
Order my steps, pursuing the purpose for my life
Use me, lead me, carry me on, Lord, with your might"

Written by Jene Barranco 

As a Child of God

I've always had an understanding for young girls because well, I was one at some point and I know what a dark and messed up world we are brought up in. A lot of the times it's hard to see the light.
The way I've been raised and the situations and trials God has put me in have all molded me. They have also made me grow up very quickly. While this may be true, I still have an immense amount of growing to do.

Girls ; hopeless romantics . God created us as an object of His love. He also created us to crave that love. The thing is, often times we go searching for what we're craving in all of the wrong places. Time and time again we will come up empty and heartbroken and wonder what the heck happened. Even still, it could seem like we are still focused on our Father but He may still just want more from us. And He deserves it!

Tip for the Gentleman - Be just that to a woman you are trying to pursue. a GENTLE.MAN.  If you haven't noticed, God created girls completely different than boys. We are emotional human beings. With that, we are fragile. You may be macho and tough, but truth is most women aren't. It's just something you can notice in behaviors just by watching. We both react to situations totally different. If you are a christian guy trying to pursue a pure christian girl, please realize what a jewel you are about to chase after. Do not take that quest lightly.

Girls, DO NOT SETTLE. I cannot tell you how many times I see people posting "Gosh, I wish I had a boyfriend" or even, yes we've all seen it .. girls chasing after other people's boyfriends. First of all, do not be either girl. Whining is not attractive and neither is portraying yourself as a slut.   - Speaking of how you carry yourselves, as a woman we are designed to illuminate the majesty of Christ with our beauty. If you go back to Genesis and look at Eve, she was the crown of creation. As a woman, YOU ARE THE VERY ESSENCE OF BEAUTY. That's how God made us ladies. Don't tarnish what God created you to be. Don't be the girl who tries to attention or tries to make your ex-boyfriend "see what he's missing" because that too will just make you look like a fool. Back to not being one to settle.. set standards. Don't change them for anyone. We are God's chosen Princesses and there IS, believe it or not, a guy out there who is going to treat you like a God fearing man should, wait for him.

Guys, secret to scoring a beautiful Godly woman? Being a Godly man. - Now there's a shocking concept. Also, Song of Solomon 2:7 tells us (yes men, you too) "Do not awaken or arouse love before its proper time."  Do yourself and the girl you're about to seek a favor and do not go after her until you are ready to accept all that comes with being in a relationship.Simply put. Just don't. - When God tells your heart and mind the time is right, date her as a man of God. YOU go and ask her out. YOU open every door she comes in contact with so she doesn't have to. YOU pay for the date. YOU pray over her when the date is done. As a man, you are a leader. Not being a leader (and a godly one at that) is a major turnoff. If God makes you lucky enough to be able to take her out again, you treat her like the Princess God made her throughout the duration, whatever that may mean. And for crying out loud, do not try to get in her pants. - I know for a fact not all guys are like that, I've come across plenty classy men in my day so don't use your gender as an excuse. I'm not classifying all guys as people that would do something like that because I know they're not. Thank you to the awesome examples in my life who are still teenagers and setting the bar high.

On that note,- I'll give the guys a break- girls we take on some responsibility too. If guys are going to have to take on the role of being a godly gentleman to be with us, we have to help them out. Be that Proverbs 31 woman. Also, don't purposefully tease or tempt a guy. I know sometimes we do things without realizing, we really need to be more conscious as a gender the message we are sending across the boys of our generation. Do not show off all of your goodies, nobody wants to see that .. thank you. Be classy ladies! We are so much better than that. I know sometimes there's situations that even I go through. My size makes it extremely difficult to find clothes that fit me correctly, but it's straight up noticeable when you're trying to get attention. sorry.
Boys, there is something about girls and their image.. I couldn't tell you what our problem is. It could very well have to do with the media telling us what is socially acceptable. I don't know. Whether she is your girlfriend, friend, or somebody you don't even know .. do NOT comment on her weight unless it is something flattering and genuine. You have no idea what it does to a girl's self esteem.
Girls, I know you all watched the Victoria's Secret fashion show last night. Please do not think you have to be exactly like them. God truly did create you beautiful and in His image.

This is often times the case, and so many of us want to try to be what we think is "beautiful".

I don't really have the guy's side to this because I'm a girl, so don't get all butthurt ;) haha guys I am welcome for comments or private messages, so lay 'em on me. I'd love to know what you have to say.

Whoever you are, girl OR boy .. you are worth the wait and God made you precious.

He has a plan for all of us, be patient and faithful to His calling for you. 

For those of you who don't know, I made my decision and I am transfering to a school in Texas and staying nearby. A lot has been going on recently and my life is changing. As freaking scary as it is I am embracing it for the new season God has placed upon me and have to try to feel more excited than scared. That's really difficult at this point, but I'm trusting in God's greater plan.
I can always use prayers and encouragement! Like a lot of it haha.
Thank you to the few people who know what is going on and have given me wisdom and reassurance.

I love you all and will hopefully be back to writing on this thing more now, I've missed it!

peace and blessings

Oral Roberts University College Weekend Day 1

By God's divine appointment with the Brown family, I am up at Oral Roberts this week/weekend. It was so exciting being back in the OK. I never knew I could be so excited to see Braum's or Quiktrips.. but I was! And I'm so glad to be back. After a long day of getting here, Katherine and I checked in. The people at ORU are crazy energetic and sweet. After checking in, we went to orientation and took a tour and made some new friends and we all adventured around for a while. Then we met up with the people we'll be living with. Katherine and I got separated. I am rooming with three other girls and I am the one white girl, I love it. haha. My roomies are so sweet. After getting settled in, we went and grabbed dinner then rushed over to the ORU talent show, and all day I had my mind set that I wanted to go to the night chapel tonight. So I ran over to that after the talent show and oh my goodness..  a solid hour and a half of just pure worship non stop. That's it. Just worship. It was AMAZING. I have never seen so many people become undignified before the Lord on stage. The worship leaders danced and their joy was contagious and the Lord was there! I really wish I could have that worship experience everywhere I go.  

I had hands layed on me and was prayed over in different languages more than once tonight. It was such a cool experience. [Letter back home: after having hands layed on me, they played How He Loves and they used the sloppy wet kiss version.] <3  Anywho.. after that we came back to the dorm and had devotionals with some of the girls on our floor who go to school here which was really nice. I love the atmosphere here. Everywhere you go people are in love with God, I'm so not used to that and it's very comforting. Every little thing deserves a "Thank You Jesus!" or "God is so good to me!" - can't tell you how many times I've heard those over the littlest things. It makes me happy.    

Anyways, it's 2am and I have a meeting at 7:30am haha WHOOPS.
I promised some people a blog while I was here so I'm going to try to come through.
It's freezing here, it was in the 40's and I do not like it, but other than that I am so grateful / thankful for this experience. I'm having a blast.

Next week I will be in Oklahoma adventuring the world of Oral Roberts University. 

This was my dream school when I was little, back when I wanted to be a Doctor .. haha a lot has changed since then and there are still changes to be made. Please pray for me on this trip that God would reveal His plan and desires for me. I have no idea how busy I will be up in the OK, but I'm going to try to blog some if I can! I haven't been doing that very much and I figured that would be the perfect opportunity.

Until then, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers! 

I don't really write on here much anymore, but my heart is hurting this morning. I woke up to find that one of my high school team-mate's and fellow daughter of a breast cancer fighter's mom passed away last night.  It's sort of surreal because this woman was one of the reasons that sparked my heart for breast cancer fighters, it's sort of a cool story.  If none of you know, breast cancer has been hereditary in my family. My Grandma passed away from it when I was young, so I didn't really understand much then.   In high school I met Amy. We danced together and she was the sweetest girl. One day I found out that her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Something tugged on my heart and I got a group of my friends together and we went out and bought a bucket and filled it with everything pink that we could find and we gave it to Amy and her mom. - That was just the beginning. My senior year MY mom was diagnosed. Amy came running to my rescue and would constantly send me messages checking on my mom and one of my childhood friends who also fought cancer. She would even send me encouraging words to lift my spirits.   Amy's mom has been fighting for so long, and she has been fighting so hard, I can just tell from the way Amy talks about her that she was going to put up a fight.She was strong. The Lord decided she had been through enough and He took her home last night to a place where CANCER IS NO MORE. I hate the feeling of loss and can't even imagine what the family is going through, but there is always the assurance of knowing that she is not suffering anymore and she is enjoying her new cancer free life, and for that I am thankful. Because cancer sucks.

Amy if you read this, I love you and I can't express how proud I am of you for being such an amazing support system for your mom and for other's like me.   Your story is going to touch hearts in ways you can't even imagine. We'll always have a different bond and I thank God for our friendship. <3

God seems to be slowly stripping pieces of my life away in order to help me find my identity. It's hard. It's really hard, but I am so ready for God to just show me His plan for me, even if it's little by little. I am praying that I am pursuing His righteousness above all else. I am distancing myself from some people and drawing nearer to others who I feel are good influences and/or sources of wisdom for me.
As far as what the Lord wants for my future, I feel like I am supposed to teach. The thing is I want to teach so many things, elementary school, dance, teach others about Jesus, reach out to special needs. MY HEART IS SO BIG ! How can I do all of these ? Am I supposed to choose just one? or two? LORD HELP ME! I know if I will draw near to Him He will draw near to me and make it clear. I'm praying for that.
Another thing, since I've been about 10 years old Africa has been on my heart. SINCE I WAS 10! I have yet to go, and even as I turn 20 in about 5 months [that's so weird..], my passion has not been extinguished. Praying the Lord shows me what I'm supposed to do with my sincere love for Africa and its people.

I know a lot of us in college are still in this position even as we're well into school, praying for all of us who earnestly seek Him for the best in our lives and wait on Him. BE BLESSED!

Had a nice little weekend in Austin. ^This is what I drooled over this morning. I love the sky, God gets so creative with it. I barely slept a wink last night, but getting to see this was perfect. It started my day off in a great way.    

Let's see.. Saturday was game day for UT so the town was covered in orange. I went tailgating and hungout with some friends. They are precious and are so good to me. We had some fun adventures together this weekend for sure.


After starting my day off wonderfully by witnessing such a wonderful sunrise over the earth, I went to church with Ben at The Austin Stone. Worship was good. There were a few lines here and there that touched my heart, THEN we got to the message and the Pastor seemed oddly familiar. Turns out he was a pastor both Ben and I had in middle school in San Antonio. SO weird haha. We got the chance to talk to him for a second and share our weird discovery which was cool. That added a fun little aspect to church today haha. After our totally bizarre encounter with our middle school pastor, we grabbed some yummmmy breakfast. Then I got to spend time with another Austin resident, miss kim carson and now I'm back in the home land haha. It was a nice little escape for a couple days.

KARI freaking JOBE

Well, if you know me at all you know about my seriously unhealthy obsession. If you don't know about it, you don't know me. Plain and simple. I talk about her or am singing one of her songs almost at all times. I stalk the chick like crazy, but you can't blame me because she's so cute, so talented and most importantly so ANOINTED.
I got to her concert 3 hours before it started to guarantee greatness [I'm telling you .. ob.sessed.] I met some really cool people that shared the same obsession haha  and who stood behind me in line. God's placement in exact points of time is amazing.   Soon I wasn't alone and I had some company. Mom stopped by for a sec and my fellow Kari Jobe lover and friend Taylor shared the experience with me last night.


Well we were right up against the stage and I seriously started freaking out. Kari laughed a few times at me and Taylor, I'm sure. I can't even begin to put into words what happened last night in that room because the way God moves is indescribable. I'm learning to embrace emotions during worship and I could feel it last night. After a few songs Kari spoke scripture over us, so cool. SO COOL.

From then on it was history. God came down and reminded me who He is. NOTHING is too big or impossible for my God. My life will never be steady, I'm going to get a lot of hard things thrown at me and right now in my difficulty I'm accepting a breakthrough, whatever the Lord wants that to be for me.    I am Yours, I am forever YOURS.
Worship was .. ugh. amazing. Absolutely incredible. It was so cool that so many young people in that room actually got the concept of worship. I love having a role model who loves Jesus. It's the greatest thing.

Back on my obsession.. haha some of you may know that I randomly like to embrace my hispanic heritage. Last night Kari started singing You Are For Me in spanish ... almost died. oh my word. aammaazzzinnngg. AH.
Then at the end [as promised on twitter] we were the first to hear her new single live. [Being the stalker I am .. I had already heard it before everyone else] so Kari starts singing her new single that like nobody has heard yet and I start singing the words .. what ? Yes, I'm a total creep.    Her guitarists probably had no idea what was going on when I started singing along. Kari didn't seem to think it was weird hahahaha. Oh, to make things even weirder, Taylor and I found out where she was after the concert and waited for her for like an hour, but we left before we got to see her which made me want to cry haha. BUT I will see her one day. Mark my words. It's hapennin :)              haha why am I so strange..
But really, we were so close last night and it was just an amazing night of worshiping the one who is worthy of all praise. I was blessed.  

.

This past year or so has thrown more at me than most get in their lifetime, but those moments or things don't define my life. My Mom has encouraged me to find the things that are actually going right in my life and being thankful for them. Today I have chosen to look past and ignore negativity. It feels nice. It's not always the easiest thing to do, but today I'm willing and able.

I am thankful that I was able to kill a bug last night, otherwise I wouldn't have slept..
I am thankful for good grades that God has blessed me with thus far.
I am thankful for the nice gestures from friends that mean more than they know.
I am thankful for the support and love my family has showered on me, especially this past week.
I am thankful that I'm able to go to school and pursue a career of my choice.
I am thankful for the gift of music and the impact it has on me. I love to worship.
I am thankful for a very well working air conditioning system in my home. This heat is torture.
I am thankful for a working car that I get to drive at my will.
I am thankful for the genuinely nice people in this world.
I am thankful for warm food.
I am thankful for God's provision, grace, mercy and LOVE.

AHH God is so amazing. He is teaching me something new all the time and I love it!
He knows my heart and desires and He satisfies those when He thinks it's right. I am learning patience right now and it is AWESOME! I am so incredibly blessed beyond words. Just saying that doesn't even begin to describe what I feel. I am so ecstatic right now, my life just keeps getting new beginnings in different aspects and I am feeling refreshed by the Holy Spirit by the way He's moving things around for me right now.

pray for me pray for me PRAY FOR ME        
Whatever is on your heart, ready, set , GO <3


Love you all !

My first day of school was perfect! More because of the activities after school, but school wasn't too bad. I'm hoping this will be a chill semester since I got most of my boring classes out of the way last year / this summer.
It will be interesting to see how this year unfolds! Praying for all of us who are fighting the good fight to go out and be a light to the people we come in contact with at school this year.

I am a blessed girl and I have the best boyfriend ever, I will just say that.
He makes me very happy. HE STARTS COLLEGE TOMORROW , which is so so weird.

But yeah! My first day of school was pretty eventful. Already got some work to do, but I'll make it.

Hope everyone has a great week!

Short little blog, but I've made it 4 days and I'm still alive haha. They've been really tough though.
THANK YOU to all of the people who have been speaking encouragement over me and have been praying, sending facebook posts/ messages and text messages with sweet words, Bible verses and advice from experience. I appreciate you all so much and will continue to need to be fed positivity.
I finally got to see his face via skype today, so that was nice and helped a little.

I miss him lots, but know he's having fun in Austin with his friends.
Thank you again to the people who have been there for me these past few days!
Much love.

Oh boy, where to be begin. I have been awaiting/dreading this day for as long as I can remember, and it will be a night I won't ever forget. Tonight was my last night with Ben as residents of the same city. Going into this night I had the wrong mindset, wrong attitude, wrong everything but God knew the intentions in my heart and let them start to come out in my actions. "This is probably going to the bottom of the list of nights spent together" was probably the understatement of eternity, but strange enough there are moments of today I would not trade for absolutely anything.
A new chapter starts today [yes today, because it is almost 2am and why yes I do have to get up early for work in the morning.. somebody feel free to bring me caffeine to work] I have so many things going on in my head about it.

I won't go through every detail like I usually do, just believe me when I say it was special. Lovely dinner, messy dessert and surprise by sprinklers.. and one heck of a goodbye shared by two people who mean a lot to one another.

For those of you who texted me tonight, thank you so much. This situation doesn't seem like a big deal, but there's a lot more detail that goes into it than people know and encouragement means so much.

Ben and I are so blessed. With our faith and with eachother. Although the night started out rough [and it ended rough too, believe me] I left with a peace only God could give because everyone knows this situation sucks. I left with tears in my eyes and a full heart. I know the Lord will have His way in this relationship of two kids who love eachother in ways nobody will understand. The Lord's will, not ours, be done. -Easier said than done, but I know God's plan is far better than what Ben and I think we have figured out for ourselves. It will be crazy to see what happens this year. The Father is working in ways I don't understand at this point in time, only He knows the end result.

Prayer warrior friends. Please pray for me, as an individual needing strength and for Ben&I opening our eyes to the paths the Lord has set out for us!

Let's do this thing.

"We are emotional people.  There is something about music and worship that just evokes something that is deep in our spirits.  It just moves our emotions.  We are emotional and God knows that." - Kari Jobe


My Kari Jobe stalking of the week has proved to be useful today.. hah.
I feel like I'm in such a weird place right now. In life, in relationships, in emotions. Nobody understands, not trying to be emo haha but nobody does! It's truth. I'm to the point where I don't even know why I feel what I feel. I just sat here and listened to song upon song about Jesus and I started listening to one in particular , I was looking at pictures of my Nonni / watching the SYTYCD finale / staring at my phone / thinking about life and BOOM like the emotional person I have began to become I lost it. I have heard this song more times than you could imagine, why it just smacked me in the face today after years of listening to it .. I have no idea.

I've come to realize that I can tell myself that the world has nothing for me, nobody will ever love me like my Heavenly Father and try to be ok with it but even after telling myself that a thousand times it still seems so out of reach and unfathomable ... BECAUSE IT IS! I will never understand His love, but it's there and I'm in awe of it. Absolutely IN.AWE. and I know people say it all the time but I haven't even experienced a slight glimpse of what is to come. I am SO THIRSTY for God, His presence and His love. 


Thank You Lord for for giving me emotions [no matter how annoying they can be and how complicated they make things] and for speaking to me through music. 
THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME LIKE YOU DO. 

Last full day in South Carolina :(
This morning I went for a school tour at NGU, it was beautiful. Everybody I've talked to knows that I keep freaking out because it's so green here and the trees are different. I just love it. The school is up in the mountains and it just seems like a really cool school; scenery and all, so we'll pray about that one haha still gna look around a bit, but I'm glad I finally got to see the campus cause now I know what to expect. Good stuff good stuff.

It has been an eventful few days for sure, this is the most exciting trip we've had here I think haha probably because of the baby :) we're so tight he throws up and poops on me, it's really cute.I'm sad to be leaving them but I'm going to have stuff to do when I get back home, so hopefully that will be good! I'll try to update more when I get home, but life isn't that exciting haha.        

Pray for safe travels! I'll see everyone back at home soon <3

Ahh crazy past few days. Wednesday I woke up early for work, and then got to hangout with some people who work up at the church too before I headed out so that was fun. Then I got home and got ready for the night aka; KE$HA/ LMFAO concert. SO EXCITED. We bought like 4th row tickets originally and ended up sitting in the front row at the concert, so legit and so much fun. We dressed up like Ke$ha [as you can tell] .

 Friday was date night with Ben. We went downtown and roamed around, apparently there was like some anime convention or something .. we felt left out because we didn't get the memo that everyone was wearing costumes on the RiverWalk that night but it's whatever. We ended up eating some yummy Italian food on the River and people watched / listened to Selena songs be played on wooden whistles. So special hahahaha. After dinner we walked around and ended up at the Tower Of The Americas where we took a bazillion photos and listened to some random band. But it was a fun night most def. I'm sort of spoiled.

Saturday morning Dad, Julia and I got up early and got on a flight to South Carolina where my mom, older sister, brother in law, and NEPHEW were awaiting. I may be biased, but I think this kid is the cutest thing. I say that as I'm currently watch him sleep in his little swing .. agh adorable. Last night we got acquainted with one another and we fell in love. 8lbs 11oz and beautiful blue eyes. <3 This morning after listening to a baby cry all night [Which I surprisingly didn't mind] I got to sleep in and wake up to a yummy breakfast. Then it was time to play! We pulled out little Caiden's play mat and after he got bored the waterworks began so of course I had to pick the little guy up and we had a nice little walk around the house, sang a few songs .. ya know.  Basically, I'm obsessed with the kid. I'm sure I'll be posting some more photos cause I've taken a bajillion.

Prayers for baby Caiden are welcomed, and of course my family is still missing my Nonni so prayer for for our family, especially my Grandaddy would be wonderful too! Thank you to everyone who has continued to message/ check on our family, yall are the sweetest!

Love you all. xoxo

Caiden James Patrick

Today is my little Nephew's due date.
He has yet to arrive,we're all so anxious to meet him. He's going to be the cutest little boy EVER. He has the cutest parents [and Aunt .. just kidding hehe] so he's got the genes. He's going to be a professional golfer like his daddy I'm sure. This kid will have plenty of people to spoil him, me being one of them.

To Caiden ;

You have been lifted up in prayer since before you were born. God is still forming you as we speak, I can't wait to see you when He is ready to share you with the world. Of all the things God has made on this earth, He loves you the most! I know your parents already love you lots , just wait till they meet you!
I pray that you would grow up to be a warrior. I know you'll become the man God wants you to be and I pray that you're an example to the men around you of how a Godly man should be. Can't wait to see what kind of person you become. - I don't know what I'm going to do with myself, you're going to be the first boy in the family on your Mama's side so we're all excited to see what happens. I hope you like dancing because your Pinky, Mommy and Aunts sure do! So you'll be getting a good fill of that. Have no fear, I will gladly do some boy things with you when we hangout.    


That being said, COME ON CAIDEN!
Come on out so we can play when I come visit you in a few days.I love you !

Didn't know my last post would be me preaching to myself. This week took a turn very quickly. My Nonni went in for open heart surgery a little over a week ago and of course that comes with its own complications, side effects whatever. I honestly believed she was going to be fine even with the reports I had been getting. I prayed and I felt pretty calm about everything.   Today while I was half asleep my dad came into my room and told me he was going to drive up to where my Grandparents live, around the Texas Oklahoma border. Wasn't too long after he arrived that I got the worst phone call ever. My dad could barely make out words, I had to keep myself from crying too. He didn't think my Grandma was going to make it.   And just a little over an hour ago at 10:00pm, my Nonni passed away. Daddy was holding her hand.

So many things I wish I could say to you. I won't forget all the fun times we had baking random things together.  I got my sassiness and my sassy walk from you, I'll make you proud and carry on the legacy. I wish I was there with everyone, and I wish I could be with you where you are now. Shower your love on us and Grandaddy every day.  I'm honored that I could call a woman like you my Nonni.                    I love you.

A few days ago in a conversation, the song Jesus loves me was brought up. Semi as a joke, but as I was reading through a devotional today some of the lyrics spoke to me through my passage.
-Yeah, I'm still that much of a kid that  'Jesus loves me' speaks to my heart.
We are weak but He is strong.
I'm the first to admit that things hurt me probably more easily than they should. I feel like I'm constantly putting up with some thing or some one, and it drains me.  I think our weakness is so beautiful though. It's in our points of weakness that God reveals His strength. We don't have anything else, but He is willing to be OUR strength and He can break us free from any bondage.

I am so thankful that JESUS loves me
and chooses to be my strength when I call upon Him.

the beach

This past week/weekend the family had planned a trip to the beach, sort of as a celebration for my mom and our family and all we've gone through this past year. we like to go to the beach fairly frequently but weren't able to last year because of all of mom's stuff.
Dad and I went up before everyone else and we spent the night surf fishing which was fun, even though we didn't have much luck. The next day my mom and my little sister arrived and we had a fun dinner with some sweet potato fries at a little restaurant on the island. Then me and Dad went fishing with some friends at their beach house while mom and sister watched. They're lame. haha but we caught a few and it was a fun night.


I woke up the next morning and had my quiet time on the beach. I still am in awe when I think about it. Like sitting there in the midst of God's beautiful creation while reading words God has spoken to His people isn't something I took lightly. IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. Even the seaweed, I didn't even care. Everything around me was unfathomable. I have NO idea where it came from, but a line from a Nicole C. Mullen song was stuck in my head that weekend and described my unattainable thoughts.Who told the ocean "You can only go this far." ? It's things like looking at the ocean that make you believe our Redeemer lives. I would go and stand in the ocean and just wonder how God made every wave crash in at all, yet alone rhythmically. I can't even begin to understand, and that's just the beginning of God's works.


After a wonderful morning some friends came in, who are basically family.We've known them forever and they've been a huge blessing to us especially this past year. We spent most of the day at the beach, Julia and I branched off and went to the pool for a bit. Then after everyone got freshened up we sat down at our table in the condo and had a nice dinner together and went out for ice cream which is one of my favorite food groups. 
Then Julia, Davis and I stayed up after everyone went to bed and watched Justin Bieber's Never Say Never. This was my second time seeing it, it still made me want to dance. It's like a singalong I swear.
The next morning I went down to the beach for some more quiet time. This time I added a little Kari Jobe on my ipod to the mix after I finished which was nice. Two random guys made fun of me for reading on the beach, then they noticed one of the books was my Bible and they all of a sudden had respect for me and wanted to be my friend. . . it was weird and I was busy listening to Kari Jobe, duh.   After quiet time I met up with the crew and went into the ocean for a little bit. Where at some point Davis managed to get stung by a jellyfish three times. That's talent. I'm not a big fan of being in the ocean, not sure why.. then I went up to the condo and took a shower and when I got out we had visitors!
Craig and Melissa hung out with us for a bit, so that was fun! They're precious. Later our little group went shopping then we went out to dinner where we saw a girl who looked like Taylor Swift. HAHAHA. anyways.
We then proceeded to take a nice night walk on the beach barefooted then came back to the condo and made s'mores :)
Then it was time to go. The next morning we packed up, took pictures, prayed and then headed out.  It was sad, really. I love the beach.

Of course, can't leave out the fact that I was sad because my buddy wasn't there..

This week started out as a total bust. I'm pretty sure everyone who has encountered with me knows I've been bummed, so I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself because there's nothing I can do about it! Haha but this week I've gotten to hang out with other people and it's been different.

I can tell God is putting new people in my life, and I'm loving it. Friendships with people who share your faith are so much different than any other friendships. God has even placed people in my life that I haven't even met face to face, yet they are a huge source of encouragement to me.

As believers, even just simply as FRIENDS.. we need to encourage one another. I don't think we do that enough. I think people underestimate the power of encouragement. I've seen what it does, and honestly I love to encourage other people. IT JUST FEELS GOOD. - the text message from your friend that you totally weren't expecting but it made your day, the wall post that the cutest boy ever just posted on your wall for the whole world to see, the simple act of spending time with someone who needs it, the positive thoughts you share with someone who is thinking negatively.   I'm not the best at all of those, but I know the feeling whenever people make me feel special and encourage me and give me strength.    I think really good friends do that.

I suppose I can rant about that in another blog.. ANYWAYS 4th of July I began by spending it with my family. It was pretty special this year, I got to spend time with my cousin who is in the military and got to come home and visit :) Then I spent most of the night time with the Kingery family. Always good times there. For sure.
Then tonight I got to have dinner with a bunch of my mom's side of the family which is usually a little crazy, but hey. It was fun I guess haha. It's been pretty eventful.
Tomorrow I leave for the beach. I have mixed feelings haha I absolutely LOVE the beach. It's just so beautiful and relaxing, but it would be such a different experience with my bestie alongside me.  I'll try to update while I'm at the beach! I haven't posted on here in a while, life has sort of been out of whack, but maybe I'll slide back into things soon.




Benjamin, if you read this I hope you're having a great time in Alaska schooling Asians in ping pong competitions. I miss you SO much and am praying you return home safely to me! I love you.

On this day a year ago I graduated from high school.

To be honest, I was in such a weird place in my life. I skipped senior awards nights before, and I even attempted getting out of walking across the stage, and I didn't want to participate in Project Graduation with the rest of my class. The only thing out of those three that I did was walk the stage. My mom's diagnosis was weeks before and I all of a sudden didn't care about high school anymore, like at all. That night instead of project graduation I packed and pulled an all nighter getting ready to spend a month at Camp Tejas, which I may not be going to this Summer for the first time since the Summer before I was in third grade. It's such a weird feeling, I seriously feel like a part of me is missing haha but I just don't know if that's where I need to go this Summer. 

Usually the Summer before entering their first year of college people have the time of their life. I barely remember my Summer, it was a blur. Camp and then we hit the ground running with Mom. As much as my family drives me crazy, I'm glad that I spent all the time I could with them rather than being with other people.  I also learned VERY quickly who true friends were, and that I don't have very many yet I still choose to be friends with everyone. We had camp fees and school fees payed for us last year. These people did it anonymously so if you happen to read this .. you know who you are, THANK YOU. We were so blessed by you.  To the people who have supported me and were there for me last Summer/this year. Thank you so much. Our journey isn't over yet, please keep our family lifted in prayer.

To my childhood bestie Sammi, my boyfriend Ben and my 2011 graduate friends,

congratulations I am SO proud of all of you! Keep on pushing, there are great things ahead.

Be Still

Hmm I don't know if it was the whiteboard message in my room, the playing repetition of Kari Jobe's 'Be Still' during a car ride with my boyfriend or the TWO devotionals about Being Still this week that got the message through , but ... the message got through, God. Thank you.

Whenever I've had conversations with people about "Hearing God" they usually come back with "God doesn't have an audible voice, so I've never heard Him." or "He has never spoken to me."     God doesn't have this booming voice like people portray in movies, but I know He talks to me, and He can talk to everyone. It's little things like the list posted above. He put multiple instances right in my face sending me a message, He's talking to me. I know He is.     To the people who say "He's never spoken to me."  sometimes You just have to look at things differently. Listen instead of talk , notice the things that tug at your heart , and be aware of what is repeatedly revealed to you. 

Obviously, if you haven't noticed .. lately God has been telling me to be still and wait PATIENTLY for Him.

Instant gratification is what our world wants these days. The fast food, the drive thru for banks, starbucks, snowcones you name it. Trying to get a list of things done before the timer goes off on the microwave or before your shower gets to the temperature you like. Filling a whole day's schedule with things to do.   - It's how we are, so we tend to carry it over into other parts of life. For me, the issue of uncertainty can drive me up the wall. Having conversations and thoughts lately have led me to that point and I'm kind of just like "welllll I don't know what's going to happen or how this is going to turn out or if it's going to go my way". That doesn't sit well with me, but that's where God comes in. He doesn't work according to what I want. He works according to what I need as far as the plans He has already made for me. 

"We can't hurry the Lord. He does things in His time." - Joyce Meyer

And thank God that He does because He is always on time! While we wait for the answers to our prayers or desires, we must learn to enjoy the time waiting. - That's where my big problem is. I'm an extremely anxious person. I like knowing things right then and there and if I don't, it's not pretty. So my prayer for me is to completely change that.

God's greatest desire for His children is that they experience His best in their lives

You CAN hear God, it's part of our inheritance so don't ever believe otherwise.

If you've never heard Kari Jobe or her song Be Still , PLEASE 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRfWORi4aM0

I am obsessed with this chick.

BE STILL MY SOUL BE STILL, WAIT PATIENTLY UPON THE LORD.