When I was 8 I moved to San Antonio, Texas and became part of Community Bible Church. My parents signed me up for everything imaginable, and looking back I'm so grateful for that. At that age I was in kid's choir and stayed until 5&6th grade when I could also become a part of the hip hop team. Most people know me as a dancer, and honestly that's pretty much where it began. In a small room of a church, and I continued to dance in my church as well as on competitive dance teams up until college when I danced with my university's dance team in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I couldn't top that experience and I'm now a retired dancer.
But that's not what this blog is about. It's about the other side of me that's starting to peek out, the part that people are curious and confused about. The part that involves singing. I figured it was time to explain what's been going on..
Starting at 8 I made it until 5th grade without ever auditioning for a solo or being put on mic to sing for choir events. I liked it that way, just the thought of singing on a mic and not in the back with the whole choir scared me. A lot. But then 5th grade came around and my choir director Amanda Singer was starting to tell us who was going to be on the little praise team for our next event, so I escaped to the restroom because if she couldn't see me, she wouldn't put me on mic, right? I came back from the restroom and my friends happily told me "Miss Amanda said that mic is yours!" I remember the blood rushing to my face in fear. After that I was put on mic a lot up through when I transitioned into the older kid's choir called Pure Sound. By that time I was like "yeah I can sing back line, nobody can hear me there's other people on mic too." gradually I got pushed harder as I transitioned to the older choir. Sherry and Kristen took a chance on me and put me on praise team, this is where I found out that I could hear and produce harmonies on my own, which I thought was normal (turns out it's not as normal as I thought) but I knew it wasn't on my own ability because music wasn't my forte, dance was. God was starting something. After being on praise team a few times these ladies would ask me to sing solos, and they could testify that I would decline while probably kicking, screaming or crying. My fear was so powerful it was unreal. By the time I was in high school I made front line of praise team which was still a big step, but I still never wanted to sing by myself at any point. My last time leading worship with pure sound as a senior I sang a duet and I thought, surely this is the hugest step. I'm proud of myself, I'm done here.
After graduating high school I stayed home for my first two years of college and would randomly sing at church with my friends. Then the time came when me and all of my friends went off to universities and we had a goodbye party/ birthday party for our friend Timmy and Timmy wanted his friends to play music at his party, so we agreed. Little did I know that agreeing to this would altar my life in the weirdest way. While me and the other two people who were playing were getting ready we were going through the list of songs and one of them looked over and casually said "..and this is the song you're going to be singing". This person knew better than anyone that I hated the thought of leading/singing alone. This person is also someone I trusted more than anyone - the Lord's placement and timing couldn't have been more perfect. This person assured me I would be fine, then both of my friends went through the song with me even though it was probably the most uncomfortable thing I could have ever done. Looking back I'm so thankful those two were the ones by my side because I look up to them so much musically (which also makes it extremely intimidating singing next to them). So I did it, I probably had my eyes closed majority of the time because I was probably praying for my throat to not close up like it usually does in these situations haha. But I made it out alive and one of my best friends came up to me and gave me a word of encouragement afterwards not knowing it was my first time ever doing that. And those words are still in my heart and are honestly a huge reason I was ok and kept singing after that day. Thanks Colin,Ben and Chan for that day. God used you immensely even though you may not have realized.
After that I moved up to Texas State and got involved in FCA. I became friends with the worship leader and as we were hanging out one day a Ke$ha song came on and naturally I started harmonizing (harmonies are my favorite!) and he about flipped a lid. He recognized my voice from hearing it in the crowd at FCA and he immediately went home, got his guitar and he came over to my house and we just played music and decided I was going to accompany him at FCA and we would also drive out to Lockhart,TX together to lead worship at a youth service together where I would occasionally lead a song or two. Hahaha WHAT? There was no plans on singing when I got to college, at least on my end. And especially not more singing by myself.. the joke is always on me. Singing at FCA was awesome but I eventually had to quit going to FCA because of dance practice and I had just got involved in this organization called Young Life. I had just gotten placed as a leader and went to my first event called club - and not knowing any history of my story or even that I sang at FCA they told me I was going to be one of the song leaders for Wimberley High School Young Life. Wow, how fun, how exciting, how unexpected. It was an amazing growing season singing at club and constantly being encouraged by my singing partner and friend, Joe Brownfield. Unfortunately, my season as a Wimberley High School Young Life Leader wasn't all rainbows. We lost one of our Young Life kids to suicide and our friend Evan talked at the funeral and Joe and I provided music for the service. Never thought I would see myself there, and it was so hard but such a blessing at the same time. Thankful for the Wimberley team's encouragement and belief in me to even go beyond our club room, much less sing in the club room itself.
My Wimberley girls graduated this past year and I am starting my last semester of college, so it worked out to where I could be a part of our new Texas State Young Life leadership. Not only that, I get to sing - I get to lead my college peers. AND some of my Wimberley girls are going to school with me now and will be in the same room as me as we both make this transition.
The Lord blows.my.mind.
I love the conversations I have when I come home and people ask me what I'm doing these days, and I tell them. They laugh in disbelief, then they realize I'm serious and they're in shock. Honestly, I am too. I'm not the same girl I was a few years ago and I have God to thank for that. I'm slowly but surely learning how to fight fears in my life. I'm still not fully confident in this area of my life, but I know it's a gift - a gift I'm going to learn to get better at with time. A gift that isn't for my glory, but the Lord's.
Thankful thankful thankful.
So excited to see what leading Young Life College is going to look like. So thankful for Jesus' power being so strong in me that I'm starting to fight off some of the lies that the enemy has fed me my whole life. Thankful for those who have believed in me since I was young (Andrea and Amanda Fisher for always telling me I "sang good" to our Mwangaza CD even when I had no idea what I was singing HAHA - I haven't forgotten the words you spoke over me, even if we were in middle school) , for being placed in a church that was so good at teaching us what worship is at a young age (Misty Jones, you're a part of that for me too!) and for those who believe and continue to encourage me now. I love you. And I welcome any prayers as I walk forward in this calling, because it's hard in so many ways.
All this goes to say, aside from the obvious power of Jesus - words of encouragement were planted in me long ago and they just started sprouting and producing fruit a few years ago. Have an encouraging word for a believer? Don't keep it in, it could change them and push them forward in their calling.
Thanks for reading friends, if you want to see a little bit of how the Lord is changing me - here's a video of me and my buds! Praying this novel of a blog encourages someone afraid today.
God brings our
testimony full circle when we yield to His spirit.
